So Halloween. A horror movie classic. Michael Myers is the perfect slasher flick villain whether he is just staring at you from across the way in his trademark white mask or chasing you with a butcher's knife down the street the guy is creepy.  It wasn't broke back then, it's not  broke now. It is a CLASSIC! SO DON'T TRY AND FIX IT YOU IDIOT!!!!   This was a very disappointing film... all around. From the poor projection that made everyone look squished on screen to the over-the-top stylings of Rob Zombie. 

1: I don't like my Monsters humanized.  What do we know about Mike? Not much. Just that when he was little he killed his sister. Why?  Well according to his psychiatrist  Dr Loomis he is just an evil little bugger.   An unfeeling, uncaring monster.  And that is all we know. That's really all we needed to know. The rest was left up to our imaginations-- at least it was...

In this new updated version of Halloween the first 30 minutes are spent exploring Michael's childhood. And surprise, surprise the kid had an abusive family life and was picked on at school.  Though I do admit it was interesting to get a peek into this monster's childhood I think it actually took away from Michael's mystique as this cold blooded psycho.  It made him human. (and an ugly one at that.)  The fact of the matter is, I don't want to understand Micheal Meyers. I don't care to know what made him fucking nuts, I personally liked to think he was just a fucked up kid in a normal environment. Not a normal kid with a fucked up living environment.  It honestly made him much less sinister.  And if a serial killer must be anything it MUST be sinister!



2: Attack of the utterly unlikable cast.  First of all-- NOBODY swears THAT much! Every other word out of these character's mouths was either fuck, cunt, bitch or ass.  And it's not that I mind swearing, I mean you guys read my journal, I'm a potty mouth. It's just that the constant use made the dialogue sound very unnatural. 

Also, there was not a single character aside from Dr Loomis that I liked.  Laurie's friends? Dear GOD they were the BIGGEST idiots on the face of the planet!  And not like horror movie grade idiots... we all know most slasher flick characters are none to bright... but to best describe it I would have to say that where as Michael Meyers was made too human these other characters were made less human. They were airheaded, over sexed potty mouthed 18-year-old sluts.  If they went to my high school they would be the popular girls everyone pretended to like but secretly trash talked them in the bathrooms and cafeteria.   When they died I did not care. Hell I almost cheered.

Finally, and I'm just gonna say this: The casting call application must have started out like this "WANTED: TRAILER PARK WHITE TRASH FOR ROLE IN HORROR FILM.  ALL ROLES OPEN:"

3: Gory is not scary.  It's just... gory... Alfred HItchcock knew this, most great filmmakers do. And to an extent the first version of this movie did as well.   Sometimes all you need to see to scare the b'jeebus outta you is a shot of the killer, the glare of the moonlight off the knife, a shrill scream and then a shot of the knife now covered in blood.  And then a nice shot of the body bleeding slowly out.   Your mind reels. OMG what just happend?!?!?  You start to think of your own scenarios. Did he slit her throat?  You don't know.  You don't want to know.  See much scarier than Oh, he's got a baseball bat. Oh my he just cracked that kid in the skull.  That had to hurt. Oh there he did it again. Oh wow he sure is bleeding. OH MY GOD THAT'S HIS BRAIN!  IS IT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE TO BLEED THAT MUCH?!?!?! Christ, WHY did I eat that entire pepperoni pizza before I came here?  Excuse me, little girl I didn't mean to puke in your popcorn.... hey why are you here anyway?

The movie was a gore fest.  However, I did know this going in. It is after all, a Rob Zombie film.  And it is a slasher movie.  But If I had done the scene with the baseball bat I would have it behind closed doors, with the "crack" of the baseball bat as it hit the victim along with his desperate pleas for mercy and then just show the blood streaming out from under the door.  But that's just me...  Now, don't get me wrong...Gore is necessary.  But COME ON. leave something to our imaginations people!  Shock value isn't everything.  Making the viewers physically ill should not be the goal of a horror film.

4: This was the most disturbing part of the night-- It wasn't a brutal gore scene. It wasn't an over the top sex scene.  It was the the fact that the people just a few seats down from us brought their daughter who didn't look to be any older than maybe 7 or 8-years-old.

So yeah.  My over all opinion is this: If you've seen the original and liked the original DON'T see the re-make.  Hell if you have never even seen the original don't waste your time or money. Instead go out, pay half the price of admission to rent the original and watch it instead.  This movie was unnecessary and over loaded with a lot of footage and plot that could have been done without.