So against my better judgment and suggestion of many many people out in LJ land I have begun reading Twilight. First before some of you get all "DUDE WHHHHY?!" I want everyone to know I did not spend money on it. I borrowed a copy from a friend at work.

I'm like 150 pages in and all I can say is Bella is quite possibly the most annoying character I have ever encountered. She chose to live in Forks of her own volition then spends the next 7 chapters moaning and bitching about how much she doesn't like it there while at the same time falling all over her feet, books, her feet again and sometimes nothing at all. I think this girl has a serious inner ear problem with her lack of balance here. And to top that off she gets sick at the slightest sign of blood. (I must know if it's the smell of the blood that she says makes her sick, how does she cope with her period?)

And she's not very friendly in general. If I encountered her in real life I would take her as snobby and standoffish. She doesn't seem to like anyone or anything (except Edward, of course.) she doesn't want to go to the dance, she doesn't really want to go to the beach, she hates Forks, blah blah blah.

Over half this book is made up of adjectives. And not just any adjectives. Adjectives that CONSTANTLY remind us of how perfectly beautiful Edward is. HE'S PRETTY! OKAY! I GOT IT THE FIRST FREAKIN' TIME! The constant repetition of Edward's OMG HAWTNESS kind of makes me think that Meyers is afraid that the readers will forget if they go too many paragraphs without being reminded...and we can't have that.

Speaking of Edward... DUDE... Stalk much? Wait.. he's a Vampire... it's what he does... never mind. I have no further tiff with Edward at this time. He's a Vampire therefore he is allowed to behave oddly and do some really crazy shit. A normal person would see this and be freaked the fuck out. Bella, on the other hand, wants him like whoa.

Right now I'm at the part where Bella almost got mugged/raped/somethinged in Port Angeles. First: You're on a well lit fairly populated boardwalk... how the CRAP do you wind up in a warehouse area where the crazies are!? If you're looking for a bookstore and it's not on the main road of a city you don't know very well... FORGET IT! Second: Edward to the rescue in Teh Volvo??? Lame. Third: Followed by an impromptu date where Bella's all "Eh guys just tried to use me like a blow up doll and take my cash... but I'm cool. Whatev." Fourth: Her friends just hung out at the restaurant, got dinner without her and didn't bother to look for her? People, when your friend who is a stranger to the area goes off wandering by herself and doesn't come back... you LOOK FOR HER! ...also...what year is this supposed to take place in? Obviously a year where cellphones were yet to be invented. Or perhaps it's a device used by the author to reiterate Forks' way lameness...but somehow I doubt it.

Anyway... as you can see... I'm not what you call a fan of the book so far. But the thing is, it's so absurdly bad that it's funny. My friend who loaned me the book has basically the same opinion and we have fun riffing it together. I'm going to read the series because Tara was kind enough to loan me the books. After all they read lightning fast so I won't be wasting too much of my life on them.

At the very least I'll get a good laugh out of them.